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RGM:
Well, it's great to catch up with you since the
last
interview you did back in 2005.
Ziggy
VH: Yeh its good to be back in Adelaide. We just flew
in from up North...
RGM:
You were touring the Tropics?
Ziggy
VH: No, Elizabeth, Munno Para, Salisbury. Anyway it
was really really good. It was okay. well, it was...
Diva
LV: Yeh we then did this leg which took in Burnside,
Kilburn, Black Forest and Blackwood. It was a really "hot"
tour, I loved it. Rock n Roll man, see the world...
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Fabio:
(arriving late and butting in intrusively)
yeah it was cool but oh man, deja moo-while looking
out the tour bus window I'm sure it was the same
cow we passed 6kms back....
RGM:
So what's it like being on the road together, do
you have band disagreements?
Ziggy
VH: Not creatively as such but recently both Fabio
and I had been asked to appear in a TV commercial
for 'Sunsunk' advertising their new anti-flat shampoo.
RGM:
What was the disagreement about?
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Ziggy
VH: well,
naturally we both wanted to be the star of the commercial
but couldn't agree on who's hair was bigger.
Fabio: no...
"bouncier"
Ziggy VH: Yeah, that was it. Bouncier. 'Cos the
star of the advert had to run down the beach in slow motion,
a-la The Hoff in Baywatch, demonstrating Sunsunk's amazing
technologically advanced elasticity...(starts playing
with his hair)
Fabio:
Zig
got to do it. I had a supporting role running behind in
Pamela Anderson's original Baywatch red one-piece.
Ziggy
VH: (sounding
gruff) Hmm, yes, you looked like a cross between Hulk
Hogan and Borat. Now, the advert can only be screened
after 9pm..
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RGM:
Ziggy, about the same time we heard that you were
involved in an airline incident. Tell us about that...
Ziggy
VH: Oh
yeah, it was awful. See, the commercial was being
filmed at Venice Beach, but my private jet flew
me to Venice Italy. I went everywhere looking for
a beach, then had to catch a gondola back to the
airport (thank God for different time zones). That's
the last time I'm hiring Travolta as my pilot...
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RGM:
Fabio, you menioned Pamela Anderson, what of those rumours
linking JJ to her split with new hubby Kid Stone?
Fabio: Well,
apparently he was heartbroken when he learned she no longer
had her original Baywatch red one-piece...
RGM:
What is it about celebrity splits? Any band members about
to hit the headlines for the same reason?
Glitterace:
Of
course! Didn't you hear about my recent major split?
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RGM:
Who with? Your wife?
Glitterace:
No,
my Fan Club.
RGM:
Celebrity adoptions are all the rage now, what with
Brangelina and Madonna. Are you guys getting into
that?
|
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Diva
LV: Sort
of. We are planning on opening a day care centre for single
mums who want to audition on Australian Idol.
RGM:
Glitterace we also hear you were in the infamous Paris
Hilton video...
 |
Glitterace:
(looks
down) Yes. Not exactly my finest hour and I'm
not proud of it...
RGM: Do you mind telling us...what, um, "role"
you played?
|
Glitterace:
(still
looking down) I was the cameraman. Left the lens cap
on for the best bits. Crying shame, that...
Fabio: Oh... Paris, is that the one that came over
to judge the Bikini Contest?
Glitterace: Thank God Fabio didnt wear his red one
piece (band members start snickering)
RGM:
Last month the Rock Rag reported that Jungle
Jooce's drummer spontaneously combusted. Can this be true??
Glitterace:
Man, those guys from Spinal Tap just can't shut
up can they? We only told them that to stop them poaching
him. We had to reinvent him as Fabio. Now all he thinks
about is his hair.
Fabio:
That Sunsunk Anti-Flat really does give it amazing
bounce...
 |
RGM:
That's enough scandal for now. You are supporters
at so many levels of the music scene. Do you get
much recognition for that?
Ziggy
VH: Sure. I recently got invited to a charity
sing-off with Damien Leith of Irish Idol (Editor's
note- he means Australian Idol). It was
level pegging until we had a falsetto showdown to
Stayin' Alive, which would have shattered
bullet proof glass. Man, it would have raised the
roof off the Collosuem! !
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RGM:
The Colloseum doesn't have a roof
Ziggy
VH: Whatever.
Anyways, I won. The prize was a recording session with
Celine for the upcoming movie Titanic 2- The Resurfacing.
RGM:
Prize? Wasn't it a charity event?
Ziggy VH: Yeah,
um...charity. (meaningful pause) Anyway, I refused
to do the session.
RGM: You can't work with Celine Dion??
Ziggy
VH: No
no, she's fine. I just hated Titanic. It had major
script issues, the characters were fake, the direction
was appaling, it was too long...
RGM: Okay, I get it. Moving on, you guys performed
gratis at Nicole and Keith's wedding. What was that like?
Ziggy
VH: ...it
was historically inaccurate, the costumes were all wrong...
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Fabio:
Ignore
Ziggy.Ah
yes, well we all know Nicole is a bit of a country
fan so Diva did a rendition of Dolly Parton's
9 to 5. It was painful.
RGM:
What, she was out of tune?
Fabio:
No,
she actually sang it from 9am to 5pm.
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Diva
LV: I had no choice! Felix had lost himself in some
new bass playing technique and wouldn't stop. It was some
kind of hybrid slap n' chicken picken' thing...
Fabio:
Yep.
From that moment Nicky Kidman called him "Felix McFried
Chicken". They still laugh about it now. Speaking
of Felix, where the McFunky hell is he??
|
RGM:
Hey, I'm asking the questions.
Fabio:
Sorry.
RGM:
He's at a Celebrity Tennis Tournament. Ah, here
he is now. And I see we're sporting a black eye
under those big shades Felix! What happened?
Felix
McF: Lleyton
slammed me one right in the eye. Dunnit deliberate
he did, I 'm sure.
RGM:
Surely not. Did you provoke him?
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Felix
McF: Possibly.
He started talking about how he's got a Ferrari and I said
"what, just one?". That may have set him off.
RGM: Well, it's a shiner, that's all I can say...
Glitterace: We could whack the other one and you can
do tonight's gig as Alice Cooper
RGM:
Interesting background of yours Felix, from sherbert abuse,
to Supreme Court Judge whilst moonlighting with JJ. What
made you go fulltime rockstar?
Felix
McF: Well, a fan recognised my hair under the judges
wig in court one day. She was in to protest a parking
fine. She had illegally parked at a Jungle Jooce gig.
I realised then that I had to choose.
 |
RGM:
Diva, you and Nick Lachey seem to have something
going. How did you meet?
Diva
LV: at
a botox clinic for Celebrity Makeover. Now
MTV want to do a remake of Newlyweds with
us , since they lost a real ratings puller with
Jessica Simpson. But we've got no plans for marriage,
I'm busy with Jungle Jooce and he's busy with a
new album called There's Plenty of Me Left to
go Around.
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RGM:
You guys are sure getting swept up in the reality TV craze,
what with Fabio now doing that Celebrity cooking show...
Fabio: Actually,
it's a celebrity eating show. It's called The
Biggest Gainer..
(Glitterace laughs hysterically at Fabio's protruding waistline)
Fabio: Well at least I dont have one of those
stupid ring tones, like that silly frog.
RGM: What's that about Glitterace?
Glitterace:
I've patented some tunes based on some 14th century
composers songs which I've reinvented, when played
backwards you can hear subliminal messages.
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RGM: Oh, I see. I have to ask about the biggest sensation
recently, a little love matching by Jungle Jooce with the
Royals whilst in London recently for the Wembley concert?
Felix McF: Heh, yeah. Prince William's new girlfriend
is a bit camera shy. She'd vowed not to attend Christmas
with the Royals until such time as she is officially introduced,
so when we were asked to perform at Harry's birthday, we
couldn't resist a little announcement..."Katie, this
is the Queen. Queen, this is Katie Middleton". Now
it's official.
 |
Diva
LV: (sighs) It was so sweet! And they lived
happily ever after...
RGM: What did the Queen think?
Felix McF: Oh, she was not amused. |
RGM: Diva, that was quite an emotional speech you
made at the Rock Music Awards Ceremony
Diva LV: Yes, and you all know where it began- when
I was crowned Miss Universal. And then, the famous incident
where I was decrowned due to some saucy photos turning up
on the internet
Ziggy VH: we were all shocked when we
saw...um, heard about them...
Diva LV: Well, I was innocent of course-
turns out someone had photoshopped my head onto Carmen Electra's
body. Luckily some teenagers reported it when they recognised
a dimple on her upper thigh. So I was exonerated on national
TV. That Donny Trump is really a nice guy behind the bad
hairpiece.
RGM:
Well, we're getting the wind-up from your agents...almost
time for tonight's show. Just a few comments on what's
in store for JJ in the near future?
Ziggy VH: Well,
there's the upcoming "Rock n Roll School"
movie with Jack Black, he wants us to star in some
capacity... |
 |
Fabio:
Yeah
he owes us a favour. That wrestling outfit of his
in Nacho Libre was inspired by my appearance in
Pam Anderson's red one-piece in the Sunsunk commercial.
RGM: Oh really? The association with Jack wasn't through
Jack's real life rock band Tenacious D?
Fabio: (looks surprised) Jack Black's in
a real life rock band?
RGM: And Ziggy, briefly...there's an endorsement deal
in the offing involving guitars?
Ziggy VH: Yep, I'm lending my name to a new brand-
Ziggycaster.
 |
RGM:
Quality craftsmanship we presume? Superior acoustics?
Ziggy VH: Not that I know of. But when you turn
the amp to 11 it shoots pyrotechnics. |
Glitterace:Yeah,
you could say we've got pyros in almost every song!
(Diva's phone rings)
Diva: It's Pete our sound engineer wondering where we
are, apparently there's some singer called Robbie Williams
wanting to know if he can go on first.
Ziggy: Okay- tell Pete, no worries, he can tell Robbie
to do his set and then sit back and WE will ENTERTAIN HIM!
RGM: Jungle Jooce, it's time to hit the stage for your gig.
Any last comments for your fans?
Felix McF: Whatever you do, don't get caught
Fabio: Support the synthetic hair industry
Diva LV: If you can't buy our album, buy Nick Lachey's...
Glitterace: ...or buy my ringtones!
Ziggy VH: Come and get Jiggy with Ziggy!!
RGM: On behalf of all our readers, thank you and goodnight.
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